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So my last post was more true that I thought, well at least the hanging out in the mountains part. Montana has not allowed for much time to devote to myotherblogisyourmom. But a recent jaunt to utah reminded me of my responsibilities, so here you go.
#1: Butter Rum Life Savers
Possible the most divisive candy ever created. Generally, people either despise or love these controversial treats. I am of the latter group and generally tend to lose my inhibitions around a pack of butter rums. My gay friend Grant Barnes also feels the same way, which is one of the reasons that our friendship has remained so strong over the years. That and our yearly trip up to a secluded spot in the mountains together... but I digress. Mr. Barnes used to bring a pack of these candies to our classes together and we would generally down the whole thing in one sitting. Which leads me to a huge complaint.
The 1.4 ounce "roll" of butter rum lifesavers can be found in almost any supermarket or convenience store. This roll generally costs around a dollar or more and lasts me approximately seven seconds. In short, the roll is far too expensive. Whereas, the much larger 6.5 ounce pack of BR lifesavers costs around 3 dollars and often lasts much longer. Only three bucks for six times the candy.
Why the price discrepancy lifesavers?! The big pack is literally impossible to find in Missoula and I am often forced to buy the insufficient, vastly overpriced rolls. This kind of injustice needs to be remedied. Either more companies need to start selling the pack, or the price on the rolls needs to drop big time. But the fact remains that I am in severe deficit here in Montana. If you happen to cross a pack in your travels, send it to me. Steal it if you have to. I will do my best to make it worth your while.
Wesley Larson
4150 Birdie Court
Missoula Montana 59803
#2: An Important Question
No doubt that at one time or another in your life you have asked yourself how many kindergarteners you could defeat in a fight at once. This question has been rattling around in my head for sometime now. I am fairly certain that I could handle at least a hundred. Now there are a lot of factors that come into play here. Some argue that once they began biting, the fight would swing in a different direction. However, I am fairly certain that this would just infuriate me to a level where I would inflict some pretty serious damage.
Another point that has been brought up in the debate goes something like this "oh, well when I wrestle with my little cousins (nephews, brothers, etc..) they really hurt me sometimes." But there is a simple explanation for this. It is because you never actually fight with these young children because you cannot, you just lay there and let them jump on you. If you were actually defending yourself, I feel like fighting of a horde of 5 year olds would be similar to battling a pack of rabbits. One hit and they are done. This leads me to believe that my "number" lies somewhere in the triple digits.
If they came staggered, like ten at a time, I think the only thing that would limit your "number" would be breaks to sleep and eat. Someone needs to do this for a TV show or documentary. Most likely in a foreign country. Feel free to comment and weigh in on this critical debate.
Arnold could have handled at least a thousand of those kids. . . if you could ever get him to stop playing that ukulele.
So basically, these are the two topics I have been thinking about for the last month and a half. That and fishing. A lot of fishing. I am going to be bringing you a moose update in a few days, and it is not pretty.
5 comments:
I fought a whole bus stop of children once cause one of them threw a snowball at my car while driving by. It was going great until one of them caught me with his thermos.
You're right, I do have a special place in my heart for Butter Rum Life Savers. As a fellow lover of these treats, I have a question for you... if the size of the pack and the cost per candy weren't issues, would you prefer the side-by-side sandwich stacked packaging of the classic Life Savers roll, or would you rather the more modern individually rapped candies that are found in the larger bags?
Personally, I have mixed feelings on the subject. With the roll I blow right through the whole thing so quickly in part because there is no real packaging slowing me down. Sure I have to tear back the wrapper a bit but the next candy is always there staring me in the face. I love how accessible they are but they're gone so soon. With the individually wrapped candies there's the additional obstacle to overcome for each treat. (Although I must say I am dang good at opening those packages quickly). The added time spent slows the rate of treats eaten, which often saves more candies for later. The added effort isn't all that annoying, its comparable to eating sunflower seeds or pistachios - as long as you have somewhere to discard/spit the wrappers/seeds. I have enjoyed many a bag of B.R.L.S.'s in my truck and had those little pesky wrappers floating around for weeks. I think for me the jury is still out. I might have to continue my ponderings by doing some further research on the topic. Let me know what you think.
P.S. those kindergarteners wouldn't stand a chance. My money is on you for at least 250... I've seen your "Raptor attack"!
Grant, you bring up some real important points, ones that have caused a sleepless night or two. I feel as though the only problem with the package is the small wrappers that do tend to get everywhere. But that can be pretty annoying. Also, I feel as though the candies in the rolls may be a touch smaller? That could just be my mind playing tricks on me. I like pushing on the individually wrapped pieces so they pop out of their plastic. However, from time to time this method does not work and you look incredibly weak trying to pry your candy from its plastic cage. I feel like sunflower seeds are a perfect comparison. The extra work really makes the candy worthwhile. I'm still gonna have to go with the bags, even if price is no issue. P.S. If you ever have children, make sure they know they will be fighting uncle Wes when they turn five.
No, you're right... the candies in the bags are a bit larger. Good point. Every Christmas morning growing up I awoke to a Life Savers "book" in my stocking. (with 2 packs of 4 rolls a piece, do you know the ones?) Any-who, the rolls have a special, even nostalgic, place in my heart. I don't want to do them any injustice, but I think you are correct. All things considered, if I could only enjoy my Life Savers bite-sized candies one way for the rest of my life I would go with the bagged ones over the rolls. Wow, there it is, we figured it out. I like the way we work through our obstacles. Check it off the list; mystery solved.
Oh, and for your information, when we do have children I expect nothing less than a no-holds bar war with uncle Wes when when they reach the appropriate age. If they're old enough to go to school they are old enough to fight for their life and dignity. But you should know my kid will be ready.
The only problem I see with taking on 100 kindergartners at once is that little girls learn at a very young age that it is incredibly amusing and effective to kick a male in his testicles. Assuming that there's going to be around 50 girls, all of which are trying to kick you in the balls as hard as they can makes me wonder if it is possible to complete such a admirable feat.
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