Pregnancy

I am confused as to the current rules on greetings.  Is a hand slap/slide still the socially acceptable acquaintance greeting?  I sure hope not.  I am not a fan of the slap, the slide nor the bump.  Call me old fashioned, but I prefer a solid handshake or hug to any of the previously mentioned greetings.  Last week I met a cute girl that tried to plant the european fake kisses on my cheek.  Needless to say I was incredibly flustered.  I made a huge mess of that whole situation.

    Put 'er there!  An internet picture of a properly done handshake between interracial sports enthusiasts


My parents were in town for the weekend so me and Jeff took the jaunt down to happy valley to hang out with them and some Provo friends.  For the most part it was a great time.  However, at times my parents decide to drop some facts on us that can frankly be a bit rattling.  My cousin just had a baby girl and we were driving to see it as the conversation naturally turned towards our own births.  During this talk my mom decided to tell us that at one point the doctors were almost sure that Jeff was going to be born with birth defects or mentally retarded.  No surprise there.  But then she also informed me that she had to have X-rays while pregnant with me and had some similar concerns.  Now, I am not so concerned about the possible retardation as the fact that at any moment I may have some kind of mutant powers manifest themselves.  There is little doubt that the X-rays have had a lasting effect and it is just a matter of time until I start seeing through walls, talking to animals and breathing underwater.  Whether or not these powers will be used for good or evil remains to be determined.  I sure hope it is not the talking to animals one though, because that would sure make fishing a lot more traumatizing and personal.

On a slightly unrelated note, during this conversation I expressed my disinterest in watching any woman ever give birth, including my future wife.  These feelings all started when I saw a cow give birth as a boy and became very agitated when a green, mucous-covered placenta plopped out on the ground right after the slimy calf.  My mom, concerned that I was not looking forward to the whole birthing spectacle,  remarked: "if you can gut an elk, you can watch your wife give birth"  Which has to be about the most disgusting comparison ever made and I am ten times less excited to be in the delivery room.